In some irrational, and unknown explanation, a very close friend of mine visits me
we visit a school, or a university, or a tall building with an apartment-like complex
he is shot dead, along with mysteriously, the rest of my friends and family disappearing
The world appears bleak.
A culmination of all emotion and thought in my head
the repressed hate
the youthful depression
the isolated apathy
it stirs stronger
i didn't want to lose everything
i was in panic
i was in shock
Later that nightmare
i have no good memory of the events
My mind numbs.
My emotions numb.
I accept it, it's what I must do.
I do it for them. . .
For . . .
them . . .
A noose hastily constructed by hand
or dreamt up in the nightmare
I place my head in the noose
everything is black
I can't see anything
i do it for them.
The air is cold around
My chest is beating, but I struggle to breath.
I can't sense anything
I let go...
The noose grips around my neck, sharp and painful
One, then a thousand
I don't want this
. . .
I didn't ask for this
. . .
It's not hard to let go when nothing matters anymore
It's not hard to let go when all value is reduced to 0
What was that feeling of suicidal intent?
Why was that feeling of suicidal intent?
What logic was there in suicide?
Even when my friends die before my eyes...
Even when my world falls apart in my very mind...
i dont want this